


The Ball in the Sink

by Agapostemon



Series: Bite the Sky [6]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Google Translate Sings, Humor, Is he being sincere? draw your own conclusions, Matt Holt is a Goof, Matt flirts with Shiro, Songfic, broganes, keith is confused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 09:32:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10357392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agapostemon/pseuds/Agapostemon
Summary: “Would you be interested in trying your hand at some plumbing?” asks Keith, “I’m trying to avoid a repeat of the slime shower incident.”A wide grin slowly takes over Matt’s face. Then, instead of granting Keith a normal response like a normal person, he starts singing softly.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So... [Brooke (yet_intrepid)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/yet_intrepid) and I were talking about music and headcanons on the Broganes Discord, and somehow this happened? The lyrics in this come from the following songs. Listening to them (especially the first one) will definitely improve your reading experience and probably your life in general:
> 
> [Google Translate Sings: Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zS-Gi5Z5zik)  
> [Until I Am Whole by The Mountain Goats](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyIIf-EOVMQ)
> 
> Content Warnings: Cursing, suggestive humor

“Stupid sink!” Keith growls, kicking the wall below the sink. All he wants to do is wash his hands! Is that too much to ask?

Apparently.

He tries turning on the water one more time, to no avail, then pounds his fist on the counter in frustration and stomps away. Guess it’s time to go find Coran. And hope he fixes it correctly this time. The last time Coran attempted plumbing, Shiro’s shower spurted food goo for days.

As soon as he pokes his head out his bedroom door, though, Keith sees two familiar figures rounding the corner and has an idea. “Shiro! Matt! You guys busy?”

“Not particularly,” Shiro responds, coming to a stop just outside Keith’s door, “You need something, kiddo?”

“Yeah, actually,” Keith looks to Matt, “Matt, you’re good at fixing things, right?”

Matt nods, “Sure am!”

“Would you be interested in trying your hand at some plumbing?” asks Keith, “I’m trying to avoid a repeat of the slime shower incident.”

A wide grin slowly takes over Matt’s face. Then, instead of granting Keith a normal response like a normal person, he starts singing softly.

 

> “We link you through our queer hearts
> 
> Do not ask why we were not omitted,”

This is… not the response Keith was expecting. This is not a response at all? What is happening? He looks to Shiro, hoping for an explanation, but his friend just grimaces. (To be fair, Keith isn’t sure whether the grimace is in response to Matt or to his memory of the slime shower incident.)

Then, Matt raises his volume and belts:

 

> “KEITH, I WOULD BE INTERESTED
> 
> You cannot love one person to refuse,”

At this point, Keith isn’t sure if Matt is singing an existing song or making up the lyrics on the spot. He shoots another glance up at Shiro, who’s now wearing a look of horrified recognition. Okay, so it’s probably an existing song. Not that that clarifies anything. He looks back to Matt, who continues singing.

 

> “I’m not saying just to go out
> 
> I always think that
> 
> I’m running for my life, no lie can live
> 
> I always think that,”

At this point, Matt pauses his singing to dash past Keith and burst through the bathroom door. Keith and Shiro arrive at the bathroom doorway just in time to see Matt pick up an orb-shaped soap dispenser and dramatically slam it into the sink as he belts out:

 

> “I LIKE THE BALL IN THE SINK!
> 
> I am not affected!”

Wide-eyed, Keith looks back at Shiro and mouths ‘what the _fuck?_ ’ Shiro’s face is buried in his hands, his body quaking with slightly distraught laughter. Meanwhile, Matt is now rubbing himself all over the bathroom wall, still singing.

 

> “Do I want to share a wall
> 
> What did you always
> 
> I di-i-id wreck
> 
> Yes you,”

He pauses his veritable make-out session with the wall to point seductively in Shiro’s direction.

 

> “I destro-o-oy you.”

At this point, Shiro’s face is bright pink and Keith still hasn’t the slightest clue what is happening or why. The tune of the song sounds vaguely familiar, but it’s not anything he can readily place. So he remains baffled as Matt continues to sing.

 

> “They are high in the sky my                             
> 
> Now, you do not go down,”

Without missing a beat, Matt strolls over and begins to crawl his way up Shiro’s back.

 

> “He gives me a lift slowly
> 
> And now, we have district,”

Now perched atop Shiro’s shoulders, Matt pauses to flash Keith a grin. Keith responds with a raised eyebrow, and Matt resumes singing.

 

> “I’m not saying just to go out
> 
> I always think that
> 
> I’m running for my life, no lie can live
> 
> I always think that,”

Then, suddenly, Matt tries to take a flying leap off of Shiro’s shoulders. Unsurprisingly, he fails, smashing his head against the doorway and knocking Shiro to his knees. Keith winces on their behalf, but the fall hardly seems to faze Matt. He just wobbles to his feet and stumbles over to the sink, grabbing the soap dispenser and holding it dramatically over his head while gripping the counter with his other hand.

 

> “I LIKE THE BALL IN THE SINK!”

Matt flings the soap dispenser back into the sink with as much force as he can muster. Afterwards, his singing starts to falter, eventually trailing off.

 

> “I am not… affected
> 
> Do I wanna share a… well…”

He wobbles and starts to slump sideways, but Shiro dives forward and catches him before he falls.

Keith blinks a couple times, taking in the scene before him before sputtering out, “What the _hell_ did I just witness?”

Matt just cackles unhelpfully, balancing himself limply against Shiro’s side.

Shiro groans, though there’s a hint of laughter in his voice, “What you just witnessed was Actual Genius Matthew Holt giving himself a concussion while singing a Google-translated-to-hell-and-back version of Miley Cyrus’ ‘Wrecking Ball.’”

“Oh,” Keith says simply, unsure how else to respond.

“Anyways,” says Shiro, “I guess I’m taking this idiot to the infirmary. You staying here or coming with?”

Keith shrugs, “I’ll tag along.” He’s got nothing better to do, and he needs to talk to Coran anyways.

Shiro smiles and hefts Matt into a slightly more upright position, “Alright, lead the way.”

They walk silently for a couple minutes before Shiro speaks up, his voice fond, “You like The Mountain Goats, right Keith?”

“Yeah,” Keith says, wondering where his friend is going with this, “Why?”

“D’you know ‘Until I Am Whole’?” Shiro asks.

Keith thinks, then shakes his head, “Not off the top of my head. Give me some lyrics?”

Shiro smiles and begins to sing softly.

“Hold my hopes underwater, stand there and watch them drown

Fishing out their bodies from the bathroom sink

Leave them in a bucket til they start to stink…”

Keith hums, “Yeah, that sounds familiar.”

Shiro’s smile grows, “Y’know how this dork responded when I played that song for him?”

Keith squints, “No. How?”

Matt perks up just long enough to belt out, “I LIKE MY DEAD HOPE IN THE SIIIINK.”

“Like that,” Shiro says dryly, “He responded like that.”

Keith and Shiro both groan in unison as Matt snickers woozily against Shiro’s side.

**Author's Note:**

> Welp. This is easily the most ridiculous thing I've written in many years.
> 
> If you wanna come say hi, I'm [Agapostemon](https://agapostemon.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr!
> 
> Also: Please remember that I write purely for fun and catharsis. My fics are unbeta’d and minimally proofread. They’re not perfect, and that’s okay. If you notice something I could fix or improve, please keep those thoughts to yourself. If I genuinely want critique, I’ll ask a close friend in private. **Surprise critiques are very stressful and discouraging.** Thanks for understanding!


End file.
